Well, I have to be honest … I haven’t worked out in forever! Drat. And since, I was scared to weigh myself. But when I did this morning it was a lot better than I thought. At least I’ve been trying to eat better?! But starting tomorrow (AGAIN), I’ll be working out. Please pray for me that I’ll have consistent motivation to get my butt to the gym each day.
Current Weight: 251.0 lbs.
Weight loss since last weigh-in: 1.7 lbs.
Total weight loss thus far: 8.5 lbs.
I’ll be weighing myself in again on Friday May 1.
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
Friday, April 17, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Practical Applications for Validation vs. Affirmation
Yesterday as I posted my deconstruction of the difference between validation and affirmation, and its essentialness to bridge building between the GLBT and conservative communities, a reader posed the question:
What a wonderful challenge…I have not mastered that skill without having the feeling I’m conceding to agree. Do you have any practical ways to get over that?
Here is my response:
As practical as I can get, it’s still somewhat theory by nature—which can only start to change by making a daily cognizant choice to reframe your mindset and understanding during those particularly uncomfortable and disagreeable situations within a relationship. Here's what I mean:
The only way that I have found this validation/affirmation construct to become an effective part of someone's life is with a repeated purposefulness throughout each different context of life. For example, unless I CONSTANTLY remind myself that validation is different than affirmation in whatever situation (ESPECIALLY IN THE SITUATIONS THAT SO EASILY MAKE ME RECOIL AND GET DEFENSIVE),
and,
unless I CONSTANTLY vocalize [that validation is different than affirmation] to myself during each time of reflection on the aforementioned situation, I have found it just doesn't sink in for me and I end up no better then when I started.
The best place to start is with the place that makes you most easily revert back to your baseline feelings/judgments/reactions that at the end of the day might seem right to you, but actually end up causing a further divide between you and the other person/situation. These moments of self-reflection are key, because you have to be able to find those certain "push-button" situations/issues first, before you’re able to start applying this construct into everyday life. And unless you're willing to do some digging within yourself, no matter how well intentioned you are to trying to practically use this validation vs. affirmation understanding, it'll never happen—or if it does, it will only superficially last. And that is not the point.
In summary:
1. Self-reflect to find those moments that most easily make you recoil and get defensive
2. Daily remind yourself in preparation of those moments that validation is different than affirmation, and remind yourself of how that difference is not only important, but how it will play itself out within your current context
3. After the situation, replay it in your head and vocalize to yourself how you could have better implemented the legitimization of the other person’s experiences that have led them to their current spot—recognizing that difference and yet being able to productively move forward within that divisive situation/context.
Any follow-ups?
Much love.
http://www.themarinfoundation.org/
What a wonderful challenge…I have not mastered that skill without having the feeling I’m conceding to agree. Do you have any practical ways to get over that?
Here is my response:
As practical as I can get, it’s still somewhat theory by nature—which can only start to change by making a daily cognizant choice to reframe your mindset and understanding during those particularly uncomfortable and disagreeable situations within a relationship. Here's what I mean:
The only way that I have found this validation/affirmation construct to become an effective part of someone's life is with a repeated purposefulness throughout each different context of life. For example, unless I CONSTANTLY remind myself that validation is different than affirmation in whatever situation (ESPECIALLY IN THE SITUATIONS THAT SO EASILY MAKE ME RECOIL AND GET DEFENSIVE),
and,
unless I CONSTANTLY vocalize [that validation is different than affirmation] to myself during each time of reflection on the aforementioned situation, I have found it just doesn't sink in for me and I end up no better then when I started.
The best place to start is with the place that makes you most easily revert back to your baseline feelings/judgments/reactions that at the end of the day might seem right to you, but actually end up causing a further divide between you and the other person/situation. These moments of self-reflection are key, because you have to be able to find those certain "push-button" situations/issues first, before you’re able to start applying this construct into everyday life. And unless you're willing to do some digging within yourself, no matter how well intentioned you are to trying to practically use this validation vs. affirmation understanding, it'll never happen—or if it does, it will only superficially last. And that is not the point.
In summary:
1. Self-reflect to find those moments that most easily make you recoil and get defensive
2. Daily remind yourself in preparation of those moments that validation is different than affirmation, and remind yourself of how that difference is not only important, but how it will play itself out within your current context
3. After the situation, replay it in your head and vocalize to yourself how you could have better implemented the legitimization of the other person’s experiences that have led them to their current spot—recognizing that difference and yet being able to productively move forward within that divisive situation/context.
Any follow-ups?
Much love.
http://www.themarinfoundation.org/
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Follow-Up to Scot McKnight’s Post—Part 2
Here is my quick summary to understand what I was talking about in the last post regarding validation and affirmation (as I spend all of Chapter 5 in my book deconstructing validation. The chapter is called: Who are We Looking to for Validation: The GLBT Quest for Good News from God).
The first thing we all must understand is that there is a difference between validation and affirmation, as they are two completely independent constructs. Yet surrounding the topic of homosexuality, many in the Church take the stance that if I am to validate a GLBT person’s life and experiences as legitimate to them—their life—their story, that automatically means that I am leaping to affirming a pro-gay theological belief system. And that conclusion is just not right (or appropriate)! How am I to live within Christ’s come-as-you-are-culture if I’m not willing to even put in the time or effort to meet people exactly where they are without invalidating their entire known existence? It is imperative to be engaged with exactly what the GLBT community understands as truth, especially if it does not fully align with your understanding of truth. I believe that you can never see into someone’s heart and soul as much as we all think we can.
The finger pointing and the negative assumptions happen all of the time to both the straight Christian and the GLBT person—and it’s no wonder why GLBT people for the most part want nothing to do with us or our churches. Christians have to stretch themselves as they realize that validation to a gay or lesbian’s experience as it has pertained to their life is indeed as real and valid to them as any of your experiences. My belief is that discrediting those things are the same as losing faith in the understanding that God is in control of any situation or life—no matter where they are coming from. That might be a harsh analogy, but the severity of this invalidation pandemic is plaguing this culture war and perpetuating the very real disconnect that exists in being able to productively build a bridge from both communities. Many GLBT people are not willing to even entertain the idea of Christ from an evangelical perspective because they are too (I would even say rightly so) caught up in the fear of having their lives and experiences quashed by Christians who won’t think twice about it.
Just because someone’s life and experiences are validated does not mean that automatically affirms what others might not believe. I am not asking or expecting either community to believe in something they don’t believe in. But the conversation has always attempted to just force both sides into affirming one belief over the other (which will never systemically happen) rather than start with the base level understanding of validation—which provides space for all of us to start willfully living in this place of constructive tension. Change the conversation to humanly validation as relevant to legitimate life experiences, and all of a sudden you have changed the course of a potential relationship/significant place of growth socially and in Christ as well.
We must start to own a mindset that passes beyond the knee-jerk actions that traditionally cause reactionary offensive attacks towards each other. We have to work on the hang-ups when hearing a variety of traditionally hostile and divisive constructs, in order to fulfill our goal of being a productive bridge builder for the Kingdom.
Once that happens, we are all indeed starting from a level playing field.
Much love.
http://www.themarinfoundation.org/
The first thing we all must understand is that there is a difference between validation and affirmation, as they are two completely independent constructs. Yet surrounding the topic of homosexuality, many in the Church take the stance that if I am to validate a GLBT person’s life and experiences as legitimate to them—their life—their story, that automatically means that I am leaping to affirming a pro-gay theological belief system. And that conclusion is just not right (or appropriate)! How am I to live within Christ’s come-as-you-are-culture if I’m not willing to even put in the time or effort to meet people exactly where they are without invalidating their entire known existence? It is imperative to be engaged with exactly what the GLBT community understands as truth, especially if it does not fully align with your understanding of truth. I believe that you can never see into someone’s heart and soul as much as we all think we can.
The finger pointing and the negative assumptions happen all of the time to both the straight Christian and the GLBT person—and it’s no wonder why GLBT people for the most part want nothing to do with us or our churches. Christians have to stretch themselves as they realize that validation to a gay or lesbian’s experience as it has pertained to their life is indeed as real and valid to them as any of your experiences. My belief is that discrediting those things are the same as losing faith in the understanding that God is in control of any situation or life—no matter where they are coming from. That might be a harsh analogy, but the severity of this invalidation pandemic is plaguing this culture war and perpetuating the very real disconnect that exists in being able to productively build a bridge from both communities. Many GLBT people are not willing to even entertain the idea of Christ from an evangelical perspective because they are too (I would even say rightly so) caught up in the fear of having their lives and experiences quashed by Christians who won’t think twice about it.
Just because someone’s life and experiences are validated does not mean that automatically affirms what others might not believe. I am not asking or expecting either community to believe in something they don’t believe in. But the conversation has always attempted to just force both sides into affirming one belief over the other (which will never systemically happen) rather than start with the base level understanding of validation—which provides space for all of us to start willfully living in this place of constructive tension. Change the conversation to humanly validation as relevant to legitimate life experiences, and all of a sudden you have changed the course of a potential relationship/significant place of growth socially and in Christ as well.
We must start to own a mindset that passes beyond the knee-jerk actions that traditionally cause reactionary offensive attacks towards each other. We have to work on the hang-ups when hearing a variety of traditionally hostile and divisive constructs, in order to fulfill our goal of being a productive bridge builder for the Kingdom.
Once that happens, we are all indeed starting from a level playing field.
Much love.
http://www.themarinfoundation.org/
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Follow-Up to Scot McKnight’s Post—Part 1
Last week I alerted everyone to two posts Scot McKnight did about a letter he received from a Christian worship leader who asking for advice about a student in their group who is gay and believes God blesses same-sex civil unions. He posted the letter one day, and then the next day he posted a response he asked me to write.
Over the course of a few days there were 142 comments going back and forth about things that didn’t even relate to the letter or to my response—such is the life of the majority of posts/comments about the topic of homosexuality (the reason why I LOVE you all so much because you get it, and don’t get into those traditional and stale debates that prove very unproductive). Anyway, Scot was so taken back by the comments that he went back and posted another blog on what it means to have civility in two contexts: the bottom line in civility and civility in the intent in our convictions.
I thought Scot was 100% dead on with his deconstruction of civility at its core and its application, and it’s worth a read. Then something strange happened, within the next day or so there were 142 comments just on that post—and a majority of them weren’t civil at all! I think what happens is when people see the word homosexuality connected with anything, they think it gives them right to not contemplate anything that was said, but rather gives them free reign to resort back to their baseline arguments; wherever those arguments are coming from. That’s crazy! And that is exactly what task the Lord has given me—to systemically help us learn to not do such a thing.
In my observations of all of the 284 comments between the three posts (some of which were my comments as well), I feel the biggest disconnected gap between Scot and my words vs. the majority of the comments were that people are having a very difficult time separating the difference between validation and affirmation; an important part of understanding how to peacefully and productively build a bridge and one that I'll talk about in my next post.
Much love.
http://www.themarinfoundation.org/
Over the course of a few days there were 142 comments going back and forth about things that didn’t even relate to the letter or to my response—such is the life of the majority of posts/comments about the topic of homosexuality (the reason why I LOVE you all so much because you get it, and don’t get into those traditional and stale debates that prove very unproductive). Anyway, Scot was so taken back by the comments that he went back and posted another blog on what it means to have civility in two contexts: the bottom line in civility and civility in the intent in our convictions.
I thought Scot was 100% dead on with his deconstruction of civility at its core and its application, and it’s worth a read. Then something strange happened, within the next day or so there were 142 comments just on that post—and a majority of them weren’t civil at all! I think what happens is when people see the word homosexuality connected with anything, they think it gives them right to not contemplate anything that was said, but rather gives them free reign to resort back to their baseline arguments; wherever those arguments are coming from. That’s crazy! And that is exactly what task the Lord has given me—to systemically help us learn to not do such a thing.
In my observations of all of the 284 comments between the three posts (some of which were my comments as well), I feel the biggest disconnected gap between Scot and my words vs. the majority of the comments were that people are having a very difficult time separating the difference between validation and affirmation; an important part of understanding how to peacefully and productively build a bridge and one that I'll talk about in my next post.
Much love.
http://www.themarinfoundation.org/
My Book is Officially Considered Adult Content
Over the weekend a huge controversy hit the GLBT community. No, not gay marriage. Not the Church or the military or an “outing” of another huge celebrity.
It was Amazon…
Amazon decided to classify certain books as “Adult Content” and then promptly drop them from their bestseller search engines because they felt Adult Content was inappropriate. You can read two short articles about it here and here.
I find this funny because on Friday I noticed that my book had no ranking anymore, and I couldn’t even find it through any of Amazon’s general search engines. I called them and told them about my book and its missing rankings in Gender and Sexuality and Gay and Lesbian Nonfiction. They transferred me around to five different people and the final person just told me that nobody had bought my book in 2 days—since Amazon’s rankings are updated by the hour, two days of no book sales would severely hurt the ranking.
And then I come to find out it’s not about book sales because people were definitely buying it … it’s rather that Love is an Orientation is considered Adult Content! Ouch. Who knew I was writing Christian gay and lesbian porn? (that last comment was a sarcastic...)
:)
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
It was Amazon…
Amazon decided to classify certain books as “Adult Content” and then promptly drop them from their bestseller search engines because they felt Adult Content was inappropriate. You can read two short articles about it here and here.
I find this funny because on Friday I noticed that my book had no ranking anymore, and I couldn’t even find it through any of Amazon’s general search engines. I called them and told them about my book and its missing rankings in Gender and Sexuality and Gay and Lesbian Nonfiction. They transferred me around to five different people and the final person just told me that nobody had bought my book in 2 days—since Amazon’s rankings are updated by the hour, two days of no book sales would severely hurt the ranking.
And then I come to find out it’s not about book sales because people were definitely buying it … it’s rather that Love is an Orientation is considered Adult Content! Ouch. Who knew I was writing Christian gay and lesbian porn? (that last comment was a sarcastic...)
:)
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
Monday, April 13, 2009
Andrew Marin on the Radio this Evening - Revised
This evenging at 6:30pm Pacific Time (8:30pm Central), I will be a guest on the Eric Hogue Radio Show that broadcasts throughout Northern California. You can listen live here (once you click on the link, there is a Listen Live button in the upper left hand corner).
Much love.
http://www.themarinfoundation.org/
Much love.
http://www.themarinfoundation.org/
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Bath-Mats are Really Important!
The reason there have been no posts the last few days is because I slipped and fell while taking a shower, and I hit my head on the bathtub. Drat! I’ve been quite foggy these past few days and not able think too hard, so thanks for hanging in there with me.
In the meantime, have a happy Easter and I’ll see you all on Monday with new posts.
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
In the meantime, have a happy Easter and I’ll see you all on Monday with new posts.
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
Monday, April 6, 2009
Love is an Orientation Out Ranks the Kama Sutra!!!
Ever since I was told that my book was on Amazon I checked it’s potential ranking categories to see who is bestselling in those areas…and the Kama Sutra was always the #1 book in the Gender and Sexuality category. Well at least for right now, Love is an Orientation is the #1 book in Gender and Sexuality, the #3 book in Gay and Lesbian Nonfiction and has an overall ranking of 5,209 out of the over 2,000,000 books on Amazon.I realize that the Amazon rankings don’t define a whole lot in the grand scheme of things as there are many other avenues to buy my book (all of which don’t count towards the Amazon rankings), but for this period in time, the picture above that was captured by the “print screen” function on the computer does indeed mean a whole lot to me.
I pray each day that Love is an Orientation will be able to reach out across boundaries and bridge the divide by peacefully and productively advancing the dialogue to lessen this divisive culture war going on in the GLBT and conservative Christian communities.
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Picking Up My Books—Part 2
These are 3 short videos of me on Monday March 30th at InterVarsity Press’ distribution center, as I complete orders for Love is an Orientation that were ordered through IVP. The first video is me filling out the shipping order. The second video is me packing and sealing the envelopes. The third video is me and my father-in-law packing the boxes of my book into a van to transport back to The Marin Foundation. Who knows, maybe I packed and shipped your order? Enjoy the experience!
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
Picking Up My Books—Part 1
On Monday March 30th I had the exciting privilege of driving to InterVarsity Press’ headquarters with my father-in-law (in a big van) to pick up the 1,000 Love is an Orientation books that The Marin Foundation ordered....because it's officially released and will be hitting the stores shortly!
You can find the full day's events in pictures (including me with IVP staff, my editor, the designer of the cover, me packaging an order of my book and me signing copies) on my Facebook page.
I can't wait to start to hear what you all think! Feel free to post a review of it on Amazon!
Much love.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Christianity Today Reviews Love Is An Orientation
While I was in San Diego speaking at the National Pastors Convention I had an opportunity to sit down with an editor (Brandon O’Brien) from Christianity Today (CT) for a thirty minute interview to talk about my book and the work of The Marin Foundation.
You can click here to read CT’s review of Love Is An Orientation. At the bottom of the review is a one minute, forty-eight second audio clip from the longer thirty minute interview that will by published in Christianity Today International’s Leadership Journal in a few weeks.
As for my thoughts on the review, I thought it was very heartfelt. I especially enjoyed the last paragraph, although it hurts my heart to think that some Christians think my writing is abrasive—I can only think that has as much to due with my topic and my challenges to intentionally pursue tension filled relationships. Either way, I LOVED Brandon’s response.
If there is one thing I’ve learned over the years of my work, it’s that printed words never seem to do the job—the reason I am committed to blanketing the country so as many people can see my face, heart and passion for seeing a bridge built. Hearing me does much more than words could ever do (although don’t get me wrong, I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THE WORDS AS WELL!!!).
Much love.
http://www.themarinfoundation.org/
You can click here to read CT’s review of Love Is An Orientation. At the bottom of the review is a one minute, forty-eight second audio clip from the longer thirty minute interview that will by published in Christianity Today International’s Leadership Journal in a few weeks.
As for my thoughts on the review, I thought it was very heartfelt. I especially enjoyed the last paragraph, although it hurts my heart to think that some Christians think my writing is abrasive—I can only think that has as much to due with my topic and my challenges to intentionally pursue tension filled relationships. Either way, I LOVED Brandon’s response.
If there is one thing I’ve learned over the years of my work, it’s that printed words never seem to do the job—the reason I am committed to blanketing the country so as many people can see my face, heart and passion for seeing a bridge built. Hearing me does much more than words could ever do (although don’t get me wrong, I AM SO THANKFUL FOR THE WORDS AS WELL!!!).
Much love.
http://www.themarinfoundation.org/
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