I had a bad interview. Then I had a good one.
I got hated on by a gay organization. Then I got hated on by a Christian one.
I received a couple offensive emails calling me names. Then I received a couple encouraging emails giving me hope.
I had a moving Living in the Tension gathering. Then I went home and cried.
I got hated on once again by the same gay organization and the same Christian organization.
I talked to some people who I trust my life with (Brenda, Dad, Richard and Wendy). Then I felt better.
I woke up this morning with a double ear infection. And also woke up to a few more hateful emails.
And then a few more encouraging ones.
Here’s one from someone I don’t know who just finished reading my book:
“You do not do this in vain. Know when the times get tough you have touched lives.”
Then I had a great talk with an editor at a magazine doing an article on my book, and then I prayed.
And I feel comforted in the FACT that I’m doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing.
No matter what haters try to lie, cheat, complain or tear me down.
No matter what friends are too “worn out” by this difficult bridge building work and want to give up—because “it’s too hard” and now think “it can never happen” because it hasn’t happened quick enough for their satisfaction.
Give up then.
Because I won’t. And neither will God.
Because I’m trying to learn how to live and love in real time.
Not perfect.
Don’t have answers for everything.
And the sad part is that too many “intelligent” people from both ends won’t ever admit that as truth.
I am loved. I am me.
I am satisfied with who I represent and how I daily strive to represent Him.
The rest of them can keep on trying to dissect every word I say and use it against me.
But it doesn’t matter anymore.
Because He was a Jewish carpenter and therefore I build bridges. Period.
I don't care who in this world is satisfied with that answer or not; as there is One who is.
So keep on hatin’ me haters.
Because thy Kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.
And you all can’t dictate not even one ounce of that, no matter what you think you own.
Cause I’ll keep on lovin’ anyway.
Much love.
Andrew
http://www.themarinfoundation.org/
Showing posts with label Bridge Building. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bridge Building. Show all posts
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Friday, June 26, 2009
Andrew Marin on theooze.tv Part 2
Here is Part 2 of my interview with Spencer Burke and theooze.tv. Instead of commenting here, go to this link and rate the interview and join in on the conversation - there are some polarizing views already posted. Let's show some folks what peaceful and productive bridge building conversations look like.
Much love.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Synchroblog
A ministry in Canada, New Directions, has recently come out with a DVD called Bridging the Gap: Conversations on Befriending our Gay Neighbors. Today they are hosting a synchroblog, where about 60 bloggers/organizations are all speaking towards what it is to bridge the gap between the Church and the GLBT Community. They asked me to be a part of it, and I’m excited to help advance the dialogue.
Here is my contribution:
Question: I was recently asked by a large Christian magazine what if every Christian and every church bought into what I was saying—what will happen down the road; and what is the end goal to building a bridge?
My answer:
Here’s the exciting and scary part: I don’t know what it will look like because it’s never been done before, but what I do know, is that the Lord is showing us how to start this movement, and then sustain it for the long haul. Churches and Christians have been so concerned and paralyzed with the X, Y and Z; that they have never done A, B and C in the right way—the exact mission the Lord has placed on my heart through The Marin Foundation and my book Love is an Orientation: Elevating the Conversation with the Gay Community.
Let this story sink in:
A young and successful Christian businessman I know has the all the money he needs and all the looks to back up his skyrocketing career. He has a girlfriend whom he’s attracted to but sexually chaste with. However, he has one small secret that he has been keeping from everyone: the anonymous sex with other males behind his girlfriend’s back.
Over the past year he has gone to the altar at his church on three separate occasions during the service to ask his pastor for help. Each time the pastor promised to follow up with him and never did, leaving him more depressed as he continued to sink further and further away. It took a lot of guts for him to turn to The Marin Foundation and tell me his story after how he had been forgotten. When I told him that I wasn’t going to leave, that I would follow through and that I would help him however he needs to be helped, tears started to fill his eyes and he smiled.
I thought he was happy because he finally found someone he could trust. Boy was I wrong. He looked at me and said, “Do you know how many times I’ve heard that before? I’m only telling you all of this so my conscious is clear. God knows how many of his people have given up, or not tried at all.” With that he paid for his meal, got up, thanked me for my time and promptly left.
What just happened? I had never had anything like that happen to me before, and I was really mad. Who was that guy to think I was like all the others? He just used me as a means to feel better, like I was some type of confessional he needed to justify what he was doing emotionally and physically to himself and his girlfriend. I just wasted an hour of my time. I got up and headed out.
No more than two steps out of the door I realized something myself: Who was I to think that he would believe me when I said those things? That exact situation has happened to him three other times that I know of, by a person who he trusted for help. He didn’t want words, he didn’t want a feeling; he wanted me to follow through.
And so that is what I did. As soon as I got back to my desk I emailed and called him to let him know I meant what I said. It’s been almost a year since that first encounter and he’s on a tough journey right now. But it’s sure a lot easier when you know someone isn’t going to give up on you.
When it comes to same-sex sexual attractions and behaviors, Christians just give up too easy. Therefore above anything else when it comes to the GLBT community, the most important thing Christians can do is make a commitment for the long haul. Without a genuine commitment on the Christian’s part there can be, and will be nothing other then meaningless talk and niceties. I hear the same thing again and again from GLBT youth and adults: “I would have rather had Christians never enter my life than to continue entering in and then leaving. It does more harm than good.”
Just read that statement again. Only through a real commitment without knowing what’s going to happen, can believers take the first step to restoring a bridge with the GLBT community.
When I first immersed myself in the GLBT community I had no idea what I was doing or what good could ever come out of my decision. The only thing I did know was that I was in it for the long haul because in my mind, there was no turning back. God will always be faithful to our commitments if we can only be faithful to our own.
I know that committing to something that most of us know nothing about is not easy. When we are walking into an unknown we need assurance that there is hope to one day pull us through the times that we know will come, the times we know we can’t handle. God will fill in those gaps if only we solidify in ourselves the commitment to stay. Remember that God gives the growth, Jesus causes us to stand and it is our job to obey—because God doesn’t only work when we know what the outcome is going to be!
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
Here is my contribution:
Question: I was recently asked by a large Christian magazine what if every Christian and every church bought into what I was saying—what will happen down the road; and what is the end goal to building a bridge?
My answer:
Here’s the exciting and scary part: I don’t know what it will look like because it’s never been done before, but what I do know, is that the Lord is showing us how to start this movement, and then sustain it for the long haul. Churches and Christians have been so concerned and paralyzed with the X, Y and Z; that they have never done A, B and C in the right way—the exact mission the Lord has placed on my heart through The Marin Foundation and my book Love is an Orientation: Elevating the Conversation with the Gay Community.
Let this story sink in:
A young and successful Christian businessman I know has the all the money he needs and all the looks to back up his skyrocketing career. He has a girlfriend whom he’s attracted to but sexually chaste with. However, he has one small secret that he has been keeping from everyone: the anonymous sex with other males behind his girlfriend’s back.
Over the past year he has gone to the altar at his church on three separate occasions during the service to ask his pastor for help. Each time the pastor promised to follow up with him and never did, leaving him more depressed as he continued to sink further and further away. It took a lot of guts for him to turn to The Marin Foundation and tell me his story after how he had been forgotten. When I told him that I wasn’t going to leave, that I would follow through and that I would help him however he needs to be helped, tears started to fill his eyes and he smiled.
I thought he was happy because he finally found someone he could trust. Boy was I wrong. He looked at me and said, “Do you know how many times I’ve heard that before? I’m only telling you all of this so my conscious is clear. God knows how many of his people have given up, or not tried at all.” With that he paid for his meal, got up, thanked me for my time and promptly left.
What just happened? I had never had anything like that happen to me before, and I was really mad. Who was that guy to think I was like all the others? He just used me as a means to feel better, like I was some type of confessional he needed to justify what he was doing emotionally and physically to himself and his girlfriend. I just wasted an hour of my time. I got up and headed out.
No more than two steps out of the door I realized something myself: Who was I to think that he would believe me when I said those things? That exact situation has happened to him three other times that I know of, by a person who he trusted for help. He didn’t want words, he didn’t want a feeling; he wanted me to follow through.
And so that is what I did. As soon as I got back to my desk I emailed and called him to let him know I meant what I said. It’s been almost a year since that first encounter and he’s on a tough journey right now. But it’s sure a lot easier when you know someone isn’t going to give up on you.
When it comes to same-sex sexual attractions and behaviors, Christians just give up too easy. Therefore above anything else when it comes to the GLBT community, the most important thing Christians can do is make a commitment for the long haul. Without a genuine commitment on the Christian’s part there can be, and will be nothing other then meaningless talk and niceties. I hear the same thing again and again from GLBT youth and adults: “I would have rather had Christians never enter my life than to continue entering in and then leaving. It does more harm than good.”
Just read that statement again. Only through a real commitment without knowing what’s going to happen, can believers take the first step to restoring a bridge with the GLBT community.
When I first immersed myself in the GLBT community I had no idea what I was doing or what good could ever come out of my decision. The only thing I did know was that I was in it for the long haul because in my mind, there was no turning back. God will always be faithful to our commitments if we can only be faithful to our own.
I know that committing to something that most of us know nothing about is not easy. When we are walking into an unknown we need assurance that there is hope to one day pull us through the times that we know will come, the times we know we can’t handle. God will fill in those gaps if only we solidify in ourselves the commitment to stay. Remember that God gives the growth, Jesus causes us to stand and it is our job to obey—because God doesn’t only work when we know what the outcome is going to be!
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Andrew Marin on theooze.tv
Enjoy this interview (Part 1) with author and creator of The Ooze and theooze.tv, Spencer Burke. Watching it back I forgot I got a little excited at the end. And if you know me, you know what I mean by excited!
Do you agree or disagree with anything I said?
Much love.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Andrew Marin Interviews Chris Heuertz (Part 2)
Here is Part 2 of my interview with Chris Heuertz, author and International Director of Word Made Flesh. In this segment I ask Chris two questions:
What would you tell the Church about building bridges with the gay and lesbian community
and
What would you tell the gay and lesbian community about the Church
His answers are moving.
You can also check out Word Made Flesh, Chris' book and other videos of Christ speaking here.
Much love.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Practical Applications for Validation vs. Affirmation
Yesterday as I posted my deconstruction of the difference between validation and affirmation, and its essentialness to bridge building between the GLBT and conservative communities, a reader posed the question:
What a wonderful challenge…I have not mastered that skill without having the feeling I’m conceding to agree. Do you have any practical ways to get over that?
Here is my response:
As practical as I can get, it’s still somewhat theory by nature—which can only start to change by making a daily cognizant choice to reframe your mindset and understanding during those particularly uncomfortable and disagreeable situations within a relationship. Here's what I mean:
The only way that I have found this validation/affirmation construct to become an effective part of someone's life is with a repeated purposefulness throughout each different context of life. For example, unless I CONSTANTLY remind myself that validation is different than affirmation in whatever situation (ESPECIALLY IN THE SITUATIONS THAT SO EASILY MAKE ME RECOIL AND GET DEFENSIVE),
and,
unless I CONSTANTLY vocalize [that validation is different than affirmation] to myself during each time of reflection on the aforementioned situation, I have found it just doesn't sink in for me and I end up no better then when I started.
The best place to start is with the place that makes you most easily revert back to your baseline feelings/judgments/reactions that at the end of the day might seem right to you, but actually end up causing a further divide between you and the other person/situation. These moments of self-reflection are key, because you have to be able to find those certain "push-button" situations/issues first, before you’re able to start applying this construct into everyday life. And unless you're willing to do some digging within yourself, no matter how well intentioned you are to trying to practically use this validation vs. affirmation understanding, it'll never happen—or if it does, it will only superficially last. And that is not the point.
In summary:
1. Self-reflect to find those moments that most easily make you recoil and get defensive
2. Daily remind yourself in preparation of those moments that validation is different than affirmation, and remind yourself of how that difference is not only important, but how it will play itself out within your current context
3. After the situation, replay it in your head and vocalize to yourself how you could have better implemented the legitimization of the other person’s experiences that have led them to their current spot—recognizing that difference and yet being able to productively move forward within that divisive situation/context.
Any follow-ups?
Much love.
http://www.themarinfoundation.org/
What a wonderful challenge…I have not mastered that skill without having the feeling I’m conceding to agree. Do you have any practical ways to get over that?
Here is my response:
As practical as I can get, it’s still somewhat theory by nature—which can only start to change by making a daily cognizant choice to reframe your mindset and understanding during those particularly uncomfortable and disagreeable situations within a relationship. Here's what I mean:
The only way that I have found this validation/affirmation construct to become an effective part of someone's life is with a repeated purposefulness throughout each different context of life. For example, unless I CONSTANTLY remind myself that validation is different than affirmation in whatever situation (ESPECIALLY IN THE SITUATIONS THAT SO EASILY MAKE ME RECOIL AND GET DEFENSIVE),
and,
unless I CONSTANTLY vocalize [that validation is different than affirmation] to myself during each time of reflection on the aforementioned situation, I have found it just doesn't sink in for me and I end up no better then when I started.
The best place to start is with the place that makes you most easily revert back to your baseline feelings/judgments/reactions that at the end of the day might seem right to you, but actually end up causing a further divide between you and the other person/situation. These moments of self-reflection are key, because you have to be able to find those certain "push-button" situations/issues first, before you’re able to start applying this construct into everyday life. And unless you're willing to do some digging within yourself, no matter how well intentioned you are to trying to practically use this validation vs. affirmation understanding, it'll never happen—or if it does, it will only superficially last. And that is not the point.
In summary:
1. Self-reflect to find those moments that most easily make you recoil and get defensive
2. Daily remind yourself in preparation of those moments that validation is different than affirmation, and remind yourself of how that difference is not only important, but how it will play itself out within your current context
3. After the situation, replay it in your head and vocalize to yourself how you could have better implemented the legitimization of the other person’s experiences that have led them to their current spot—recognizing that difference and yet being able to productively move forward within that divisive situation/context.
Any follow-ups?
Much love.
http://www.themarinfoundation.org/
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Follow-Up to Scot McKnight’s Post—Part 2
Here is my quick summary to understand what I was talking about in the last post regarding validation and affirmation (as I spend all of Chapter 5 in my book deconstructing validation. The chapter is called: Who are We Looking to for Validation: The GLBT Quest for Good News from God).
The first thing we all must understand is that there is a difference between validation and affirmation, as they are two completely independent constructs. Yet surrounding the topic of homosexuality, many in the Church take the stance that if I am to validate a GLBT person’s life and experiences as legitimate to them—their life—their story, that automatically means that I am leaping to affirming a pro-gay theological belief system. And that conclusion is just not right (or appropriate)! How am I to live within Christ’s come-as-you-are-culture if I’m not willing to even put in the time or effort to meet people exactly where they are without invalidating their entire known existence? It is imperative to be engaged with exactly what the GLBT community understands as truth, especially if it does not fully align with your understanding of truth. I believe that you can never see into someone’s heart and soul as much as we all think we can.
The finger pointing and the negative assumptions happen all of the time to both the straight Christian and the GLBT person—and it’s no wonder why GLBT people for the most part want nothing to do with us or our churches. Christians have to stretch themselves as they realize that validation to a gay or lesbian’s experience as it has pertained to their life is indeed as real and valid to them as any of your experiences. My belief is that discrediting those things are the same as losing faith in the understanding that God is in control of any situation or life—no matter where they are coming from. That might be a harsh analogy, but the severity of this invalidation pandemic is plaguing this culture war and perpetuating the very real disconnect that exists in being able to productively build a bridge from both communities. Many GLBT people are not willing to even entertain the idea of Christ from an evangelical perspective because they are too (I would even say rightly so) caught up in the fear of having their lives and experiences quashed by Christians who won’t think twice about it.
Just because someone’s life and experiences are validated does not mean that automatically affirms what others might not believe. I am not asking or expecting either community to believe in something they don’t believe in. But the conversation has always attempted to just force both sides into affirming one belief over the other (which will never systemically happen) rather than start with the base level understanding of validation—which provides space for all of us to start willfully living in this place of constructive tension. Change the conversation to humanly validation as relevant to legitimate life experiences, and all of a sudden you have changed the course of a potential relationship/significant place of growth socially and in Christ as well.
We must start to own a mindset that passes beyond the knee-jerk actions that traditionally cause reactionary offensive attacks towards each other. We have to work on the hang-ups when hearing a variety of traditionally hostile and divisive constructs, in order to fulfill our goal of being a productive bridge builder for the Kingdom.
Once that happens, we are all indeed starting from a level playing field.
Much love.
http://www.themarinfoundation.org/
The first thing we all must understand is that there is a difference between validation and affirmation, as they are two completely independent constructs. Yet surrounding the topic of homosexuality, many in the Church take the stance that if I am to validate a GLBT person’s life and experiences as legitimate to them—their life—their story, that automatically means that I am leaping to affirming a pro-gay theological belief system. And that conclusion is just not right (or appropriate)! How am I to live within Christ’s come-as-you-are-culture if I’m not willing to even put in the time or effort to meet people exactly where they are without invalidating their entire known existence? It is imperative to be engaged with exactly what the GLBT community understands as truth, especially if it does not fully align with your understanding of truth. I believe that you can never see into someone’s heart and soul as much as we all think we can.
The finger pointing and the negative assumptions happen all of the time to both the straight Christian and the GLBT person—and it’s no wonder why GLBT people for the most part want nothing to do with us or our churches. Christians have to stretch themselves as they realize that validation to a gay or lesbian’s experience as it has pertained to their life is indeed as real and valid to them as any of your experiences. My belief is that discrediting those things are the same as losing faith in the understanding that God is in control of any situation or life—no matter where they are coming from. That might be a harsh analogy, but the severity of this invalidation pandemic is plaguing this culture war and perpetuating the very real disconnect that exists in being able to productively build a bridge from both communities. Many GLBT people are not willing to even entertain the idea of Christ from an evangelical perspective because they are too (I would even say rightly so) caught up in the fear of having their lives and experiences quashed by Christians who won’t think twice about it.
Just because someone’s life and experiences are validated does not mean that automatically affirms what others might not believe. I am not asking or expecting either community to believe in something they don’t believe in. But the conversation has always attempted to just force both sides into affirming one belief over the other (which will never systemically happen) rather than start with the base level understanding of validation—which provides space for all of us to start willfully living in this place of constructive tension. Change the conversation to humanly validation as relevant to legitimate life experiences, and all of a sudden you have changed the course of a potential relationship/significant place of growth socially and in Christ as well.
We must start to own a mindset that passes beyond the knee-jerk actions that traditionally cause reactionary offensive attacks towards each other. We have to work on the hang-ups when hearing a variety of traditionally hostile and divisive constructs, in order to fulfill our goal of being a productive bridge builder for the Kingdom.
Once that happens, we are all indeed starting from a level playing field.
Much love.
http://www.themarinfoundation.org/
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Getting Tempted in Both Directions
As the profile of The Marin Foundation starts to grow so does the political pressure. Over the last half-year I have had a few memorable political occurrences that I think really summarize faith, sexuality and where our culture is at regarding homosexuality.
It all started last summer when a very well known secular GLBT organization offered to pay me a significant amount of money to release a one paragraph, joint statement with them saying that I believe homosexuality isn’t a sin. Wherever you’re coming from theologically, forget about those implications for a second and instead concentrate on the inherent political nature and its impact of what a statement like that would mean. To me, it meant a few things:
1. This well known secular GLBT organization was either, a) not comfortable with The Marin Foundation’s willful commitment to the Lord’s call on us to act as bridge builders; working within both communities to level the disconnect and the culture war, or b) wanted to gain more public support to accumulate more people on ‘their’ side.
2. That the Majority Mindset of accumulation = domination is the pervasive mindset within this debate as the GLBT community believes if they can have enough influential people/organizations to side with them, conservative Christians are going to have to believe the GLBT community’s version of the Truth.
3. The traditional means of picking a side, staking your ground and then fighting is still the default means to handle the topic of homosexuality.
Here’s the kicker, the last I spoke with that GLBT organization, the offer is still on the table after all of this time. And believe me, The Marin Foundation could use the money. But what The Marin Foundation can’t do is go against what the Lord has put us here to do. As a friend of mine said,
“It’s not free will if people don’t have the free will to go in the other direction as well.”
Then recently I got an email from a very well known conservative ex-gay organization. In that email they asked me if during some of my larger speaking engagements I could mention their name in partnership with The Marin Foundation to give them more exposure; then allowing me to tap into their already large database of people and donors. When I read that email I was fuming because not only had I never been in contact with this organization until they so boisterously emailed me their request, but at that moment I made the connection that their email was the same version of bribery as the secular GLBT organization—it was just done in a “Christian” fashion.
Are Christians now no better than unbelieving secular folks? For the first time I started to actually feel Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 6:5. Are there no Christians wise enough to be held accountable for our actions that have become no better than what the pagans (secular) do?! With that realization I have come to the conclusion that the overarching problems in the Christian world regarding homosexuality falls into:
1. Either a) that Christian organization is not comfortable with The Marin Foundation’s willful commitment to the Lord’s call on us to act as bridge builders; working within both communities to level the disconnect and the culture war, or b) just wants to gain more public support to accumulate more people on ‘their’ side.
2. The Majority Mindset of accumulation = domination is the pervasive mindset within this debate as the Christian community believes if they can have enough influential people/organizations to side with them, GLBT people are going to have to believe the Christian community’s version of the Truth.
3. The traditional means of picking a side, staking your ground and then fighting is still the default means to handle the topic of homosexuality.
Sound familiar? If I only do one thing in my life, I will work until my dying day to deconstruct these mal-spirited, traditional mindsets that have become the only acceptable way to handle this topic. Mark my words: these ways are not acceptable and I will never give in, in either direction. Someone has to put a stop to all of this madness, and if the Lord has deemed The Marin Foundation to be that catalyst, then so be it.
Join with us in this new way of what it means to build a bridge and live in the tension. No longer will Majority Mindsets dominate us or culture! In his book, The Monkey and the Fish, my friend Dave Gibbons recalls an interview with the Leadership Journal through Christianity Today International. When Dave was asked about what it means to be a liquid leader in a third culture church that focuses on a decentralized model of works over a Sunday production (which, by the way, lost Dave’s mega-church 25% of their congregation and giving), he said:
“I was reading Gideon in Judges 7, where God whittled down his army from 32,000 to 300 men. It seemed like the Lord was saying to me, Dave, what do you want? Do you want 30,000 people to attend your church, or do you want 300 radicals? I remember boldly saying, “Three hundred, Lord! Yeah, three hundred warriors” (p. 212).
I hear that Dave! Lord, give me 300 countercultural, distinct followers of the Way and let’s see what our Father will boldly do with the GLBT and Christian communities across the country!
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
It all started last summer when a very well known secular GLBT organization offered to pay me a significant amount of money to release a one paragraph, joint statement with them saying that I believe homosexuality isn’t a sin. Wherever you’re coming from theologically, forget about those implications for a second and instead concentrate on the inherent political nature and its impact of what a statement like that would mean. To me, it meant a few things:
1. This well known secular GLBT organization was either, a) not comfortable with The Marin Foundation’s willful commitment to the Lord’s call on us to act as bridge builders; working within both communities to level the disconnect and the culture war, or b) wanted to gain more public support to accumulate more people on ‘their’ side.
2. That the Majority Mindset of accumulation = domination is the pervasive mindset within this debate as the GLBT community believes if they can have enough influential people/organizations to side with them, conservative Christians are going to have to believe the GLBT community’s version of the Truth.
3. The traditional means of picking a side, staking your ground and then fighting is still the default means to handle the topic of homosexuality.
Here’s the kicker, the last I spoke with that GLBT organization, the offer is still on the table after all of this time. And believe me, The Marin Foundation could use the money. But what The Marin Foundation can’t do is go against what the Lord has put us here to do. As a friend of mine said,
“It’s not free will if people don’t have the free will to go in the other direction as well.”
Then recently I got an email from a very well known conservative ex-gay organization. In that email they asked me if during some of my larger speaking engagements I could mention their name in partnership with The Marin Foundation to give them more exposure; then allowing me to tap into their already large database of people and donors. When I read that email I was fuming because not only had I never been in contact with this organization until they so boisterously emailed me their request, but at that moment I made the connection that their email was the same version of bribery as the secular GLBT organization—it was just done in a “Christian” fashion.
Are Christians now no better than unbelieving secular folks? For the first time I started to actually feel Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 6:5. Are there no Christians wise enough to be held accountable for our actions that have become no better than what the pagans (secular) do?! With that realization I have come to the conclusion that the overarching problems in the Christian world regarding homosexuality falls into:
1. Either a) that Christian organization is not comfortable with The Marin Foundation’s willful commitment to the Lord’s call on us to act as bridge builders; working within both communities to level the disconnect and the culture war, or b) just wants to gain more public support to accumulate more people on ‘their’ side.
2. The Majority Mindset of accumulation = domination is the pervasive mindset within this debate as the Christian community believes if they can have enough influential people/organizations to side with them, GLBT people are going to have to believe the Christian community’s version of the Truth.
3. The traditional means of picking a side, staking your ground and then fighting is still the default means to handle the topic of homosexuality.
Sound familiar? If I only do one thing in my life, I will work until my dying day to deconstruct these mal-spirited, traditional mindsets that have become the only acceptable way to handle this topic. Mark my words: these ways are not acceptable and I will never give in, in either direction. Someone has to put a stop to all of this madness, and if the Lord has deemed The Marin Foundation to be that catalyst, then so be it.
Join with us in this new way of what it means to build a bridge and live in the tension. No longer will Majority Mindsets dominate us or culture! In his book, The Monkey and the Fish, my friend Dave Gibbons recalls an interview with the Leadership Journal through Christianity Today International. When Dave was asked about what it means to be a liquid leader in a third culture church that focuses on a decentralized model of works over a Sunday production (which, by the way, lost Dave’s mega-church 25% of their congregation and giving), he said:
“I was reading Gideon in Judges 7, where God whittled down his army from 32,000 to 300 men. It seemed like the Lord was saying to me, Dave, what do you want? Do you want 30,000 people to attend your church, or do you want 300 radicals? I remember boldly saying, “Three hundred, Lord! Yeah, three hundred warriors” (p. 212).
I hear that Dave! Lord, give me 300 countercultural, distinct followers of the Way and let’s see what our Father will boldly do with the GLBT and Christian communities across the country!
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
Friday, February 20, 2009
Christian One-Liners
I got these in an email, and I thought they were really clever. Not only that, but they sure relate to bridging the Church and the GLBT community!
We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.
People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
Friday, October 17, 2008
The Coalition – Southern California Event #2
The second event that The Coalition held was an inclusive pastor’s roundtable that took place in Long Beach. What does inclusive pastor mean? In layman’s terms, it’s a pastor who is gay or lesbian or a pastor of a gay (or gay affirming) church. The broader scope of The Marin Foundation’s bridge building framework for systemic change between the GLBT and conservative religious communities is the following:
Host a conservative pastor’s roundtable to lay out our bridge building work
Host an inclusive pastor’s roundtable to lay out our bridge building work
After both have been given the new paradigm training, introduce them to each other for the start of peaceful and productive dialogue.
After that, introduce their congregations to one another as well for peaceful and productive dialogue.
After that, set up a framework of serving in the community, churches and being able to make a significant impact for the Kingdom together while still being able to recognize each’s theological differences.
After that, create a self-sustaining bridge building committee in the local community to continue this work.
After that, continue to follow-up and make sure everything is still running as if The Marin Foundation were still present.
Don’t think it can happen? Wrong. It has, and it is! Do you want to bring this to your city … hit us up and we’ll be there in a heart beat!
Anyway, at this last inclusive pastor’s roundtable were 17 of the most prominent gay pastors in Southern California. So many conservatives ask me:
How do you do it? Do they hate you? Do they yell? Do you yell? Does it get ugly quick? How do you handle their tough questions? Etc….
If there is ONE thing that I have learned over the years it is that the GLBT community is dying to be able to enter into safe, peaceful and productive dialogue with conservatives; they just don’t ever think it will go well or be any of those desired things – so they just don’t even try anymore. The crazy part is when there is a “third party” bridge builder providing the framework, environment, experiences and facilitating the conversation, miracles happen as the Lord is able to freely work and maneuver without the restrictions of human pride, hurt and vengefulness taking over.
I would be lying to you if I said these types of events are not without their moments of tension or skepticism. In fact, it's expected! Why should anyone in the gay or lesbian community trust me or the Coalition (even those who are gay and a part of the Coalition) without us ever tangible proving ourselves first and foremost that we are trustable?! Thus, the tension and skepticism is exactly where most everyone starts. And unfortunately I don’t believe many people actually want to ever enter into that place of tension … so technically, that is where everything ends just as quickly then. But willfully and intentionally entering into that scary place to just ‘be’ in real-time with someone else is an experience I always cherish (that is retrospectively cherish by the way – it’s always difficult and uncomfortable in the moment!). But regardless of any of those negative or awkwardness’s, the result is always a unique place of growth that pushes all involved to new places that were always once thought to be off limits. And the ‘elder statesman’ gay pastor who was in attendance spoke up towards the end and said that this was the:
“very first time all of us [the gay pastors in Southern California] have ever gotten together in the same place at the same time! And because of that, I [the elder statesman gay pastor] know this Coalition is doing things that have never been done before. I’m on board and can’t wait to get involved.”
Wow! It’s comments like that, that make me realize we’re changing lives while plowing a new path – one that has never been plowed. As my Dad says, “when the Spirit of the Lord moves, just move with it!” Amen Dad!
One quick example:
One of the gay pastor’s from West Hollywood (the Boystown of So-Cal) who had been quite cynical from the get-go, pulled me over to the side after that day’s roundtable was completed. He looked me in the eyes and said,
“When I told my colleagues that I was coming to this thing they all looked at me and told me I was walking right into a trap and I would regret even thinking of trying to be a part of something like this. And I can tell you right now that I am going to go back to all of them and let them know they were dead wrong. I am so grateful to have come today and be a part of this exciting new experience. Thank you.”
The Spirit is moving, so let’s just move with Him!!!!
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
Host a conservative pastor’s roundtable to lay out our bridge building work
Host an inclusive pastor’s roundtable to lay out our bridge building work
After both have been given the new paradigm training, introduce them to each other for the start of peaceful and productive dialogue.
After that, introduce their congregations to one another as well for peaceful and productive dialogue.
After that, set up a framework of serving in the community, churches and being able to make a significant impact for the Kingdom together while still being able to recognize each’s theological differences.
After that, create a self-sustaining bridge building committee in the local community to continue this work.
After that, continue to follow-up and make sure everything is still running as if The Marin Foundation were still present.
Don’t think it can happen? Wrong. It has, and it is! Do you want to bring this to your city … hit us up and we’ll be there in a heart beat!
Anyway, at this last inclusive pastor’s roundtable were 17 of the most prominent gay pastors in Southern California. So many conservatives ask me:
How do you do it? Do they hate you? Do they yell? Do you yell? Does it get ugly quick? How do you handle their tough questions? Etc….
If there is ONE thing that I have learned over the years it is that the GLBT community is dying to be able to enter into safe, peaceful and productive dialogue with conservatives; they just don’t ever think it will go well or be any of those desired things – so they just don’t even try anymore. The crazy part is when there is a “third party” bridge builder providing the framework, environment, experiences and facilitating the conversation, miracles happen as the Lord is able to freely work and maneuver without the restrictions of human pride, hurt and vengefulness taking over.
I would be lying to you if I said these types of events are not without their moments of tension or skepticism. In fact, it's expected! Why should anyone in the gay or lesbian community trust me or the Coalition (even those who are gay and a part of the Coalition) without us ever tangible proving ourselves first and foremost that we are trustable?! Thus, the tension and skepticism is exactly where most everyone starts. And unfortunately I don’t believe many people actually want to ever enter into that place of tension … so technically, that is where everything ends just as quickly then. But willfully and intentionally entering into that scary place to just ‘be’ in real-time with someone else is an experience I always cherish (that is retrospectively cherish by the way – it’s always difficult and uncomfortable in the moment!). But regardless of any of those negative or awkwardness’s, the result is always a unique place of growth that pushes all involved to new places that were always once thought to be off limits. And the ‘elder statesman’ gay pastor who was in attendance spoke up towards the end and said that this was the:
“very first time all of us [the gay pastors in Southern California] have ever gotten together in the same place at the same time! And because of that, I [the elder statesman gay pastor] know this Coalition is doing things that have never been done before. I’m on board and can’t wait to get involved.”
Wow! It’s comments like that, that make me realize we’re changing lives while plowing a new path – one that has never been plowed. As my Dad says, “when the Spirit of the Lord moves, just move with it!” Amen Dad!
One quick example:
One of the gay pastor’s from West Hollywood (the Boystown of So-Cal) who had been quite cynical from the get-go, pulled me over to the side after that day’s roundtable was completed. He looked me in the eyes and said,
“When I told my colleagues that I was coming to this thing they all looked at me and told me I was walking right into a trap and I would regret even thinking of trying to be a part of something like this. And I can tell you right now that I am going to go back to all of them and let them know they were dead wrong. I am so grateful to have come today and be a part of this exciting new experience. Thank you.”
The Spirit is moving, so let’s just move with Him!!!!
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
The Coalition - Southern California Event #1
Yes, after my traumatic last post I wrote this one on Word, saved it a few times, copied it into my blog and did the links right before I made it public. Thanks for the outcry of love after my hard lesson learned in blogging!
After finally creating this blog I have also learned a few things that have taken me by surprise. One: I actually love it! I totally thought I was going to hate it and it was just going to add another deadline or some type of self-fulfilling pressure to produce something creative. Far be it for any of that. It’s like my own personal, yet ironically public, theological reflections of all facets of my life and work. I’ve never been one to journal, and if this is the refreshing feeling that many journaling folks get – than give me some of that good stuff! And two: I now walk around my daily life and whenever something curious happens to me I think, “hum, that’s a blog post.” Isn’t it just so funny how things like blogs can infiltrate and permeate not only mainstream, but Christian culture. So strange. So ironic. I guess we all have to thank Al Gore for creating the internet so we can enjoy hours of fun each day! (Ok, that’s me being totally sarcastic). :)
Back to the first Coalition event in Southern California. Just a side note – even though it’s been a full 6 days since I lost my heart-felt post about that unreal day, I’m still bitter because I poured my soul into that post and I’m convinced that whatever I write will pale in comparison to that original, in-the-moment reaction. Enough of my personal pity-party though:
That first event was unreal. If there would have been a best case scenario in my head before everything commenced, it played out as great as I could have hoped for. I first have to give a huge shout to Dave Gibbons, Ed Salas and the whole team over at Newsong Church in Irvine. What first class people, facilities and food!!! The tone was set right from the moment people walked in, and they represented The Coalition and the topic of gay, Christian, and Gay Christian with the intentionality, care and passion that it deserves.
In attendance were some really heavy-hitters from Southern California including pastors from some really well known mega-churches, area directors of national Christian organizations, executive committee members from Christian denominations and leaders from the local communities and universities. But regardless of the stature of some of those who were there, none were able to escape from the real and raw emotion that happened that day. The stories, the lives and the tears were flowing as we together were able to listen and learn our way through this new issue that many in attendance have never breached. Sure, there was some pushback, but only by means to try to truly grasp what it tangibly means to build a bridge with gays and lesbians coming from a conservative perspective. And to that, what more could you ask?
One Love. One Church. One God. I’m encouraged, but just not encouraged – excited, because I see the Lord moving and working in areas no one ever thought possible. I can only pray that one day each of you will be able to experience such a revival of unique bridge building reconciliation in your city. The Coalition is on the move, and let’s get it done in your local community! And if you’re looking for another unique perspective on what happened that day, check this out. Becky – love you so much. If nothing else happened in my life with The Marin Foundation other than being able to meet you and Eric; it was all worth it: the pain, joy, insecurities, doubts, fears and unbridled uncertainty of what will happen in all of our lives. John – I told you what you and UYWI have meant to me over the years. And many times over again you personally stuck your neck out for me, for The Marin Foundation and for this topic to be pushed to the forefront. You didn’t have to do any of that, but not only so, you continue to be my backbone reppin’ Cali. To my dying day am I privileged to call you all best friends.
Oh yeah – do you want to hear some crazy news I just found out yesterday? The Coalition just got some serious backing with endorsements for our Southern California Bridge Building Series event #2 for the inclusive pastors and churches from a few big name GLBT leaders ... names to follow soon when it becomes public.
And SO MANY thought that conservative evangelicals could never peacefully and productively reach out to, and work with the ‘big name’ GLBT community? And the GLBT community never thought that they could never peacefully and productively reach out to, and work with ‘big name’ evangelicals? Wrong my friends. The time is now. Together.
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
After finally creating this blog I have also learned a few things that have taken me by surprise. One: I actually love it! I totally thought I was going to hate it and it was just going to add another deadline or some type of self-fulfilling pressure to produce something creative. Far be it for any of that. It’s like my own personal, yet ironically public, theological reflections of all facets of my life and work. I’ve never been one to journal, and if this is the refreshing feeling that many journaling folks get – than give me some of that good stuff! And two: I now walk around my daily life and whenever something curious happens to me I think, “hum, that’s a blog post.” Isn’t it just so funny how things like blogs can infiltrate and permeate not only mainstream, but Christian culture. So strange. So ironic. I guess we all have to thank Al Gore for creating the internet so we can enjoy hours of fun each day! (Ok, that’s me being totally sarcastic). :)
Back to the first Coalition event in Southern California. Just a side note – even though it’s been a full 6 days since I lost my heart-felt post about that unreal day, I’m still bitter because I poured my soul into that post and I’m convinced that whatever I write will pale in comparison to that original, in-the-moment reaction. Enough of my personal pity-party though:
That first event was unreal. If there would have been a best case scenario in my head before everything commenced, it played out as great as I could have hoped for. I first have to give a huge shout to Dave Gibbons, Ed Salas and the whole team over at Newsong Church in Irvine. What first class people, facilities and food!!! The tone was set right from the moment people walked in, and they represented The Coalition and the topic of gay, Christian, and Gay Christian with the intentionality, care and passion that it deserves.
In attendance were some really heavy-hitters from Southern California including pastors from some really well known mega-churches, area directors of national Christian organizations, executive committee members from Christian denominations and leaders from the local communities and universities. But regardless of the stature of some of those who were there, none were able to escape from the real and raw emotion that happened that day. The stories, the lives and the tears were flowing as we together were able to listen and learn our way through this new issue that many in attendance have never breached. Sure, there was some pushback, but only by means to try to truly grasp what it tangibly means to build a bridge with gays and lesbians coming from a conservative perspective. And to that, what more could you ask?
One Love. One Church. One God. I’m encouraged, but just not encouraged – excited, because I see the Lord moving and working in areas no one ever thought possible. I can only pray that one day each of you will be able to experience such a revival of unique bridge building reconciliation in your city. The Coalition is on the move, and let’s get it done in your local community! And if you’re looking for another unique perspective on what happened that day, check this out. Becky – love you so much. If nothing else happened in my life with The Marin Foundation other than being able to meet you and Eric; it was all worth it: the pain, joy, insecurities, doubts, fears and unbridled uncertainty of what will happen in all of our lives. John – I told you what you and UYWI have meant to me over the years. And many times over again you personally stuck your neck out for me, for The Marin Foundation and for this topic to be pushed to the forefront. You didn’t have to do any of that, but not only so, you continue to be my backbone reppin’ Cali. To my dying day am I privileged to call you all best friends.
Oh yeah – do you want to hear some crazy news I just found out yesterday? The Coalition just got some serious backing with endorsements for our Southern California Bridge Building Series event #2 for the inclusive pastors and churches from a few big name GLBT leaders ... names to follow soon when it becomes public.
And SO MANY thought that conservative evangelicals could never peacefully and productively reach out to, and work with the ‘big name’ GLBT community? And the GLBT community never thought that they could never peacefully and productively reach out to, and work with ‘big name’ evangelicals? Wrong my friends. The time is now. Together.
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Speaking takes me far from the Rain
Like most places in the country it has been pouring rain here in Chicago for the last three days. I've tried to stay inside as much as I can and the good news is that I've actually gotten quite a bit of work done this weekend. I try very hard to take my 'Sabbath' every week but since my wife is in Atlanta for work I'm able to take this time to get a few more things done. That's actually a good thing right about now because I have quite the week ahead of me in sunny Los Angeles from Tues-Friday.
I have a great group of friends and collegues in Southern California who just flat out want to do some great stuff. I love them to death and over the past three years I have been privledged to be a part of their lives and work. Since the gay marriage topic is first and foremost on many people's minds in Cali (I'll save that topic for another post), so then is the broader topic of homosexuality. And many in the Christian community don't know what to do! But don't fool yourself, because many in the gay community as well are very comfortable staying put on their own turf. If there's one thing, among others, that I feel the Lord has put me here to do it's to blow-up many traditional comfort zones regarding these two communities.
So me and my friends John Lewis (http://www.uywi.org/), Dr. Becky Kuhn (http://www.globallifeworks.org/), Eric Leocadio (http://www.ourcatalystcommunity.org/), Brad Fieldhouse (http://www.kingdomcauses.org/) and Dave Gibbons (one of Christianity Today's Top Evangelicals under the age of 40 http://www.newsong.net/about/press/christianityToday_11-11-96.php) got together and started what we call, The Coalition - a group of bridge builders committed to seeing the broader Church engage in a productive and safe dialogue regarding gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender individuals within our community.
Our hope is to build a bridge between the conservative and inclusive churches, find common ground, and create a space of conversation that helps us to share Christ’s light and love for all people. It is our goal to elevate the conversation beyond the politics of our differences and into a place of common grace towards one another. The key is doing significant things for the Kingdom while still recognizing a difference in some theological belief. As we are all children of God, it's time to start acting like it.
It's going to be a three series event spanning the next three months to start off a new bridge building life for many in Southern California. This first event is a Pastor’s Roundtable for Conservative Christian pastors to be held by Newsong Church in Irvine, CA. We have about 50 pastors and churches involved (from both the conservative and gay sides!) right now, and it's just a start to see what the Lord will be doing!
If you want to bring this to your city, just give me a holler and let's start to truly make a systemic difference between the gay and conservative Christian communities. I had a meeting with some heavy hitters at Willow Creek the other day and, this might be cheesy but I don't know of any other way to communicate what I want to say, so I'm just going to quote myself talking to them:
"At 24 years old when I started The Marin Foundation I would talk to people like yourself and speak of a vision, a dream; something the Lord birthed inside my Spirit that a larger, structural, systemic bridge can be build between the gay and evangelical communities. I got laughed out of churches, organizations, busnisses, everything - because no one thought it could ever happen. And who's going to believe a 24 year old with nothing but a crazy idea? But three years later I can sit here and look at each of you in the eye and honestly say, it's happening. And it's happening all over the country. What no one thought possible the Lord deemed worthy and has risen many up to accomplish His vision. Believe with me and let's do something impossible!"
And that is how I feel about The Coalition. It's happening, and with the Lord on our side we can, and will see this dream come true. There's no doubt about it!
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
I have a great group of friends and collegues in Southern California who just flat out want to do some great stuff. I love them to death and over the past three years I have been privledged to be a part of their lives and work. Since the gay marriage topic is first and foremost on many people's minds in Cali (I'll save that topic for another post), so then is the broader topic of homosexuality. And many in the Christian community don't know what to do! But don't fool yourself, because many in the gay community as well are very comfortable staying put on their own turf. If there's one thing, among others, that I feel the Lord has put me here to do it's to blow-up many traditional comfort zones regarding these two communities.
So me and my friends John Lewis (http://www.uywi.org/), Dr. Becky Kuhn (http://www.globallifeworks.org/), Eric Leocadio (http://www.ourcatalystcommunity.org/), Brad Fieldhouse (http://www.kingdomcauses.org/) and Dave Gibbons (one of Christianity Today's Top Evangelicals under the age of 40 http://www.newsong.net/about/press/christianityToday_11-11-96.php) got together and started what we call, The Coalition - a group of bridge builders committed to seeing the broader Church engage in a productive and safe dialogue regarding gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender individuals within our community.
Our hope is to build a bridge between the conservative and inclusive churches, find common ground, and create a space of conversation that helps us to share Christ’s light and love for all people. It is our goal to elevate the conversation beyond the politics of our differences and into a place of common grace towards one another. The key is doing significant things for the Kingdom while still recognizing a difference in some theological belief. As we are all children of God, it's time to start acting like it.
It's going to be a three series event spanning the next three months to start off a new bridge building life for many in Southern California. This first event is a Pastor’s Roundtable for Conservative Christian pastors to be held by Newsong Church in Irvine, CA. We have about 50 pastors and churches involved (from both the conservative and gay sides!) right now, and it's just a start to see what the Lord will be doing!
If you want to bring this to your city, just give me a holler and let's start to truly make a systemic difference between the gay and conservative Christian communities. I had a meeting with some heavy hitters at Willow Creek the other day and, this might be cheesy but I don't know of any other way to communicate what I want to say, so I'm just going to quote myself talking to them:
"At 24 years old when I started The Marin Foundation I would talk to people like yourself and speak of a vision, a dream; something the Lord birthed inside my Spirit that a larger, structural, systemic bridge can be build between the gay and evangelical communities. I got laughed out of churches, organizations, busnisses, everything - because no one thought it could ever happen. And who's going to believe a 24 year old with nothing but a crazy idea? But three years later I can sit here and look at each of you in the eye and honestly say, it's happening. And it's happening all over the country. What no one thought possible the Lord deemed worthy and has risen many up to accomplish His vision. Believe with me and let's do something impossible!"
And that is how I feel about The Coalition. It's happening, and with the Lord on our side we can, and will see this dream come true. There's no doubt about it!
Much love.
www.themarinfoundation.org
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